all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
