I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
