I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
