I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
