He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
