i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
