But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
