some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
