I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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