I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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