We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
