Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
