I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
