There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
