I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
