I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
