Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
