everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
