I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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