I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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