I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
