Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
