I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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