I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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