Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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