Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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