So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
