Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
