Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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