when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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