I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
