I CAN MOONWALK!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you never un-have a 4some
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
