I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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