Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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