I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
