So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
