turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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