I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
