did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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