Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
