Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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