benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
