I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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