You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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