Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
