eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
