Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
as a side note pls kill me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
