i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
