HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
