it wasn't lemon gatorade
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
