I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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